Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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