Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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