I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
