wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
