i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
