Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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