day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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