never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
