She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
