The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
