I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
When are your genitals available?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
