I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
