Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
