going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Farmville is her only friend.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
