Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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