My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
