george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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