you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize