Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
