I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
