I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
