Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I wish I only lived at night.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
