I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
