i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
