I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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