Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Will exercising make me less horny?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
