Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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