pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
