I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
