I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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