No stitches, just platelets and will power
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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