sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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