Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
