You're a womanizer and a bitch.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
