And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
