I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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