phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
