As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
