Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
