The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize