what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
