I will die if light touches me.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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