I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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