It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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