I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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