We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
