i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
