the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
