I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
