so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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