Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
We're hate flirting, damnit.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
