Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Bring me that man meat
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
