My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
