I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
