Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
