Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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