We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
