you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
