Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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