My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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