this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize