Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
