Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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