Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
