Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize