I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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