I must be too annoying 4 u.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
